Thursday, December 13, 2012
Christmas Cards....
So I make my list for Christmas cards and put everyone that mean a lot to me on it. Apparently sending cards for my ex family and mutual friends of ours wasn't the best idea. Even though we are trying to work things out, it's seems that sending separate cards is a sock to everyone. I don't know what the hell to do with this now. My heart was in the right place but maybe I shouldn't have sent anything at all. 😢
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
This time last year everything was different
It's been about three months or so since I broke off things with my ex. I didn't realize that my depression had gotten so bad that ultimately I made the biggest decision. I don't regret making that decision because it has ultimately help me realize a lot of things about myself, what I want and that being quiet about it will never help.
I had spent the first 2 1/2 months so bitter and angry, that I really never stopped to considered what he was going through. Resentment is such a strong emotion and its hard to see past all the hurt when all you see is disappointment and anger and feeling so utterly useless. All the why's in the world don't change the fact that feeling let down by someone you love hurts more that being let down by your own family members.
Don't ever set an expectation if you never truly say it out loud to whom ever it is you have that expectation. It's not the persons fault when they fail, they didn't know. I learned that you have to state everything that you want someone to know, for only then can you be happy with yourself to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Expectation can only be met by people who want to give you what you want. Then again just because you expect it doesn't mean that that person will come through. I was fortunate enough to fall in love with someone who loved me, but I walked away because I had these expectation and when he fail to met them I was disappointed. Although I never talked to him about it, I never expressed my feeling when I should have. Maybe things could be different.
I hope that I can explain and I hope that we could get through this...if not its a lesson that I will learn but that ultimately will be the most painful. I know I can live my life without him, but I don't want to. We had an amazing six years with some obstacles thrown our way and we made through each one now I hope we can get through this too..........,,
I had spent the first 2 1/2 months so bitter and angry, that I really never stopped to considered what he was going through. Resentment is such a strong emotion and its hard to see past all the hurt when all you see is disappointment and anger and feeling so utterly useless. All the why's in the world don't change the fact that feeling let down by someone you love hurts more that being let down by your own family members.
Don't ever set an expectation if you never truly say it out loud to whom ever it is you have that expectation. It's not the persons fault when they fail, they didn't know. I learned that you have to state everything that you want someone to know, for only then can you be happy with yourself to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Expectation can only be met by people who want to give you what you want. Then again just because you expect it doesn't mean that that person will come through. I was fortunate enough to fall in love with someone who loved me, but I walked away because I had these expectation and when he fail to met them I was disappointed. Although I never talked to him about it, I never expressed my feeling when I should have. Maybe things could be different.
I hope that I can explain and I hope that we could get through this...if not its a lesson that I will learn but that ultimately will be the most painful. I know I can live my life without him, but I don't want to. We had an amazing six years with some obstacles thrown our way and we made through each one now I hope we can get through this too..........,,
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