Christmas Cards....

So I make my list for Christmas cards and put everyone that mean a lot to me on it. Apparently sending cards for my ex family and mutual friends of ours wasn't the best idea. Even though we are trying to work things out, it's seems that sending separate cards is a sock to everyone. I don't know what the hell to do with this now. My heart was in the right place but maybe I shouldn't have sent anything at all. 😢

Ego, is what keeps you from being truthful...

This time last year everything was different

It's been about three months or so since I broke off things with my ex. I didn't realize that my depression had gotten so bad that ultimately I made the biggest decision. I don't regret making that decision because it has ultimately help me realize a lot of things about myself, what I want and that being quiet about it will never help.
I had spent the first 2 1/2 months so bitter and angry, that I really never stopped to considered what he was going through. Resentment is such a strong emotion and its hard to see past all the hurt when all you see is disappointment and anger and feeling so utterly useless. All the why's in the world don't change the fact that feeling let down by someone you love hurts more that being let down by your own family members.
Don't ever set an expectation if you never truly say it out loud to whom ever it is you have that expectation. It's not the persons fault when they fail, they didn't know. I learned that you have to state everything that you want someone to know, for only then can you be happy with yourself to have a healthy relationship with anyone. Expectation can only be met by people who want to give you what you want. Then again just because you expect it doesn't mean that that person will come through. I was fortunate enough to fall in love with someone who loved me, but I walked away because I had these expectation and when he fail to met them I was disappointed. Although I never talked to him about it, I never expressed my feeling when I should have. Maybe things could be different.
I hope that I can explain and I hope that we could get through this...if not its a lesson that I will learn but that ultimately will be the most painful. I know I can live my life without him, but I don't want to. We had an amazing six years with some obstacles thrown our way and we made through each one now I hope we can get through this too..........,,

The mystery

He came and took me by the hand
Up to a red rose tree,
He kept his meaning to Himself,
But gave a rose to me.

I did not pray him to lay bare
The mystery to me;
Enough the rose was heaven to smell,
And his own face to see.
~Ralph Hodgson

Savannah, GA

A beautiful day, in an amazing city Savannah, GA. It has beautiful history and amazing character. The locals are friendly and some are crazy. I couldn't have asked to have a better person to be with me, than my wonderful boyfriend! We had such an amazing time walking through the city and seeing these amazing homes that have been around since 1733. The atmosphere in the city is amazing, early evening on the Savannah River Front had live music by native soul and jazz players. We also walked The 22 park-like squares and got to see all the different style homes from different eras of time around each park. It was an amazing day, with wonderful sights, and it ended with an amazing dinner at Flying Fish. A hidden secret local gem way out on Tybee Island. Know to be the great hot stop by locals for the best seafood. And I got to do this with the most amazing man ever!

Road trip! Road trip!

Leaving in 10min. Savannah here we come!

D-day almost here!

So I only have 9 hrs and 45 min till I embark in the most amazing trip with the man of my life. So excited, I hope I can sleep most of the night.... If not my first night will be in Savannah,GA. How exciting is that?

East coast trip!

So there is a little over 24 hrs before my boyfriend and I leave for our road trip. I am so happy and excited. I have packed everything, the only things I need is my cell charger and tooth brush.
Tuesday morning I embark on an amazing trip to the East Coast of the United States. Final destination being Connecticut for Julz wedding. On the way we will see amazing places. I can't wait. I hope I can sleep! Good night world.

Getting ready!!!

So it's Saturday night and I am getting ready for an amazing road trip up to Connecticut. My boyfriend and I are leaving Tuesday morning! So excited, I am having a hard time sleeping. This is officially our first trip outside of Florida. I am definitely sure we will have the time of our life's. I feel overly happy. Two days in counting. Can't wait!

Dare to Dream

" Let nothing hold you back from exploring your wildest fantasies, wishes, and aspirations.
Don't be afraid to dream big
and to follow your dreams
wherever they may lead you.
Open your eyes to their beauty;
open your mind to their magic;
open your heart to their possibilities.

Dare to dream.
Whether they are in color
or in black and white,
whether they are big or small,
Easily attainable
or almost impossible,
look to your dreams,
make them become reality.
Wishes and hopes are nothing
until you take the first step toward making them something!

Dare to dream,
because only by dreaming
will you ever discover
who you are, what you want,
and what you can do.
Don't be afraid to take a risk,
to become involved,
to make a commitment.
Do whatever it takes to make
your dreams come true.
Always believe in miracles,
and always believe in you!
-Julie Anne Ford "

Julie's word of wisdom have stayed with me. It has given me strength to hold on to my dreams, specially when I have had people around me tell me that I can't make any of my dreams come true. Only you can destroy your dreams, and as long as you don't let go or stop believing there is nothing anyone can say, or do to destroy it; unless you allow it to happen. Keep your dreams close to your heart and anything you want will become yours. Dream as big as you want and then take a step forward and reach for it.

Valentines day!

Happy Valentines day everyone!
May you have a day filled with love and laughter!
And for those that are alone in this day, may you find love and happiness too, because everyone deserves to have it in their life's.
My sweetest man, I am so happy that this is our sixth valentine day together. I love you so much and I can't wait to spend many more with you!

A little unsure!

I have had my ups and downs, but lately I feel that I been more down. I have been struggling with myself. I want to share what's going on, but at the same time I feel I will be a burden to those I share my feelings with. Granted I also feel that, they will be disappointed with me and how my feelings are going to reflect with who they think I am. I know that's insane, and that I shouldn't care. I also know that there is a better outcome and all I have to do is look for it. But at this time I really don't want to look, all I really want is some peace of mind. Not this constant need to pretend that all is alright, that live is all good. That there is nothing in this world that I should be worried about. I guess is that I would love to just have things be and have all the answers.
In Christian views, I am told to pray and ask God. Truth be told I am tired of that. I feel I have spent most of my life praying and asking. Just not sure I have gotten an answer to most of my prayers. Yes, some of them seem to have been answered, but the minute I think things are going to be ok... Everything seems to fall apart. I feel I take two step forward and than six backward.
Or I am told that God has a plan for me, that I need to keep my ears and eyes open. That there is an answer to everything he does. What I want to know is what is his purpose for me? I am not complaining about my life, because I know there are other people in this world that have worse than me. All I ever wanted was a break in my life, that I don't have to keep fighting for everything and everyone. I just wanted to be able to reach my goals without having to fight for everything I want.
Of course I don't want things to be handed to me in a silver platter. I also understand that things I want in life, I need to work for it. All I am saying is that I would like for things not to be so hard. That I could have just some of the things not be so hard to achieve.
I do love everything in my life, all I really want is to be able to enjoy it, without the fear that something is going to go wrong. I guess all I have to do now... is hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

The Lucky One

Have been reading The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks. An amazing story, granted all the books Nicholas Sparks are amazing. I love how throughout all the story, Logan manages to surpass his troubles and find peace with all the things that happened with him during his 5 years in the marines. He searches for this woman in a photo. That his best friend believes it to be a lucky talisman of some kind and tells Logan that his destiny is not done and he must find her and figure out what is he needs to do. What he didn't expect was to fall in love with her. I would love to say that my story is just as amazing, but truth be told what makes me feel connected to this story is that I find myself lucky to have someone like Logan in my life. No he is not a marine, but he is there for me and no matter what he is always going to be there for me. We found each other, at a time that neither one of us was looking for anything particular, at least that's I how see it. Everything from the begging was instant and we both knew that no matter what, we were meant to be together. Life has tested us in many ways and we have had though times. Although in the end we emerged from all of it stronger in our love and I truly feel lucky to have been found by this amazing man. I love him with all my heart and I know I will love him more so as the years pass.

Ana Katerina

Omg! I have made it a goal to read a Russian author every year. Today I have finished reading Ana Katerina which was my book for 2011. It was an interesting book and I have to say that I am finally glad I am done. Took me 4 months, but now it's over.
I learned to hate and love some of the characters. Ana was one of my least favorite. She is such a miserable person and she managed to destroy all of the people that loved her. Levin was my favorite, he struggled the most through out the story, but learned to over come his problems. Very interesting story, a must read for book lovers.

Florida fairground

I had the most wonderful date night with my prince last night. We went to the South Florida Fairground and had delicious fair food. We also feed the bunnies, chickens, goats, and also a Zebra... that's right a Zebra. I couldn't stop laughing so hard, every time I would give the Zebra a carrot it would wrap its lips on my fingers... =p I had a blast! We also watched a pig race, which was my first and it was lots of fun. Each pig had a name and the one that I remember the most is Lindsey Lowham... :) We also went to the mooternity and saw lots of cows. One was ready to give birth. Couldn't have asked for a better night.

Best date Night!

Had a wonderful day with my boyfriend. We were so busy talking, we didn't notice it took a long while for our food to come. I love spending the time talking, laughing with him. Even though we been together for five years, all of the people at the restaurant probably thought we were on our first date. I feel so blessed to have someone with me that makes me feel, like there is nothing in the world he rather do, than laugh and spend time with me. I love my man!

The best sheep head fish dinner!

I had an incredible sheep head fish for dinner. It was unbelievable!!! My boyfriend and his buddy when out diving and caught a giant sheep head for dinner. It was an amazing dinner with our friends.

Beautiful day in paradise!

Sunny South Florida, only 70 degrees, calm beaches..... What more can you want for a beautiful Saturday? I know I will be spending it reading a book and enjoy this wonderful weather! Those inside, should go out and enjoy this beautiful day... If you live in South Florida.

Happy New Year!!!!!!

Last year was an awesome year, but I know this new year will be a memorable one. So many things going on, two wedding to go to. Planning new and exciting trips with the love of my life. I am so grateful to have him in my life, it's been amazing this past five years and four months. I can't wait to have another year go by with him. We had an incredible holidays, meet new people and I cant wait to meet many more people. Hope that all of my resolution this year can be done with problems. Also hope that my family and friends have an incredible year too, and that we may enjoy each others company for many more years.